“GET OVER IT!” – The worst advice…

One of my personal “pet peeves” is hearing people give others the advice of:

“Get Over It!”

I personally interpret that as to “ignore it” and “move on, as if it didn’t happen.”

I tried many times to do this, but it just didn't work for me. I still found myself "stuck" on what had happened to me or what someone had done to me years later. Yes...my outer actions appeared as though I had "gotten over it." However, my heart was still very heavy, and emotionally, I was a mess.

(Someone even recently gave me this advice as a means to manage my new health issues and pull myself out of my mini-depression. I'm supposed to forget about my apprehension of my new challenges & just get over it?  Seriously??? )

I have now adapted a revision of this advice to:  “Work through it.”

It’s like driving through a torrential rain storm. Sometimes you just have to slow down, process it, work it through, accept it, and then, slowly...move forward.

Questions to Process:

•             What do you BELIEVE happened?
•      What ACTUALLY happened?
•      What did you contribute to what happened?
•      What would you do differently, if you could?
•      Who hurt you?
•      Who did you hurt?
•      Have you asked for forgiveness?
•      Have you forgiven yourself?

Here are a few valuable quotes:
"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” - Eleanor Roosevelt

“The first time you make a mistake it's an accident. The second time you make the same mistake, it’s on purpose, and the third time you make the same mistake, it's no longer a mistake, it's a habit." - unknown

An article I found gave these helpful tips:

1.   Feel the pain

Hiding your feelings or pretending that everything is okay will get you nowhere on the path toward healing. You’ve got to let it out. Get mad if you’re angry. Cry if you’re hurt. If you feel like you could just scream, do it. Keeping it all bottled up inside will result in bitterness and depression; it can turn a one-time offense into a lifetime disposition.

2.    Talk about it

Find a trusted friend or two and vent. An outside perspective may help you sort out your feelings. At the very least, it’s someone to sympathize with you and hold your hand.

3.     Be wary of seeking closure

I think closure is over-rated. Despite how much your bruised ego thirsts for it, trying to figure out what went wrong and who did what will not help. Trust me, you don’t really want to know why someone rejected you. It’s like running back into a burning house to find out how the fire started. It's far too difficult to find the source, and you will inevitably get burned in the process. Just walk away.

4.     Embrace your new normal

Sometimes disappointments come with a major change. Divorce, loss of a job and such alter your day-to-day life. Things simply aren’t the way they used to be. Part of getting over the past is being fully in the present. You may have lost something, but you’ve also created space in your life for something new to come along. Instead of pining for what used to be, enjoy what’s here now and look forward to what’s to come.

5.     Give it time

If you broke your leg, you wouldn’t expect to wake up the next day, whip off the cast and start running. It takes time to heal. So goes the heart. Give yourself time to recover. Know that things will get better and a day will come when the pain you feel today is a distance memory.    

http://www.beliefnet.com/Health/Emotional-Health/5-Ways-to-Get-Over-It.aspx?b=1

I now know when I have "Worked Through It":

When I finally reach the stage that I can think of the other person or the situation…wish them well...and feel peace…I know I am ready to MOVE ON!

Are You?....