“Not about ME...”

I got body-slammed with this reality very recently.

I found out that someone “whom I considered” a very dear friend had passed away. I was utterly devastated.

Moreso because:

• I found out she had waged a 4-year battle with Pancreatic Cancer.
• I had always included her in my Greeting Card Ministry, sending her Christmas cards & birthday cards (her birthday was a day after my Mom’s)
• I had considered her a very dear friend…

YET…she never let ME know…

I immediately went into my “Sentimental” mode:

• I reached out to a former work colleague. I had left the company over 17 years ago. He told me sadly, but with certainty: “Yes, she has passed away. She came by here about 4 months ago to tell us all good-bye.”
• I found her home phone number and called. I spoke with her daughter, whom I recall her speaking so fondly of along with her son & husband. I told her that she probably didn’t remember me but that I used to work with her mother & I adored her. I told her I was heartbroken that I didn’t get to tell her how much I loved her & how much she meant to me. She quietly responded, “Ms. Janette, she knew.”
• I wrote a heartfelt sympathy card to the family.
• I posted my grief on Facebook.

I was in utter grief…

However, the day of the funeral, my MS kicked in high-gear. I was so physically-challenged that I could barely move…better yet drive.

I wept…because I knew that I could not go to the funeral.

My grief deepened…

FINALLY…the “Ah-Ha Moment” appeared…

• I was making this ALL ABOUT ME…
• I initially said to myself, “How could she have this cancer for 4 years and not tell ME?” For the first 2 years…I was out-of-state. Year 3 – I was trying to find out my own health mystery, as well as relocating back with my job. Year 4 – I had gotten my MS diagnosis, been laid off my job, & in denial and depression.
• I was so consumed with ME that I honestly was not thinking about anyone else or what they may be going through.
• I NOW realize that she was navigating her OWN storm and had done exactly what I did—only involving people closet to her.
• I was devastated that she did not share her storm with me…yet I never reached out to share my storm with her.
• I saw photos of her during her journey. I wept…thinking that I could have comforted her and helped her. I honestly felt that maybe I could have saved her.

Oh, so much about ME…

I now realize how I may have been received by her family…if I made it to the funeral, primarily to fulfill, what I perceived as, everyone else’s expectations. I would have looked into the casket at “someone I once knew.” I would have been greeted by her family as a stranger. They may have even wondered, “Where were you during the struggle?”

The reality is that I tend to make so many people who have passed through my life a PRIORITY when all I am to them is an OPTION. And the even harsher reality is that my actions or lack-there-of said the same to them…

Lessons Learned:

• IT’S NOT ABOUT ME… (look at all of the "I's" & "me's")
• Don’t expect anything from anyone that you don’t give yourself.
• You are not the center of everyone’s universe, nor or they the center of yours. Only God is…or should be,
• Do the very best you can do. (Not what you think others expect you to do.)

I was shocked at the realization that, although I was hanging onto our close friendship 17 years ago, it was what it was. Neither of us had actively worked at staying connected…and no…my card ministry doesn’t count. Both of our lives had drifted in different directions. Although I had put our friendship up in my mind to be similar to one such as Oprah Winfrey & Gayle King’s, in reality, it was not. We didn’t talk every day nor were involved in each other’s lives.
I finally am at peace with the love I feel for her and the precious time the Lord allowed for our paths to cross…

Rest In Peace, dear one. Thank You for the Love you shared...