“Rising to Your Expectations”

I have been a longtime believer in the concept that people will “rise to the expectations” you give them.  This is most notable in children. If you keep telling a child that “You are bad!” they will become that. If you tell them, “You are amazing!” they will become that.

Cases in Point:

#1 - While watching Oprah Winfrey interview the late Dr. Maya Angelou, she recounted her troubled childhood. She said that one day her mother stopped on the street, looked her firmly in the eyes and said, “I think you are one of the greatest women I have ever met. Mary McLeod Bethune, Eleanor Roosevelt and my mother…in that category.” Maya was stunned! She said, from that moment on, she thought to herself, “Suppose she is right? I may have something of value, maybe not just to me…”  The rest is history…

http://www.oprah.com/own-master-class/Dr-Maya-Angelou-on-the-Power-of-Words-Video

#2 - I clearly recall being in Kindergarten, approximately 6 years old. The teacher asked the class, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” Of course, most students gave the typical childlike answers…”A Policeman…A Fireman…An Indian Chief.” When she got to me, I replied, “I don’t really know…” She knew I was a very bright student. She inquired further, ”Why do you say that?”

I shrugged my shoulders and replied, “Mommy & Daddy say that we (my triplet sisters & me) are going to be in the Top 10 of our High School Senior Class and that we are going to complete college. I don’t know what any of that means. But that is what Mommy & Daddy say…”  I never felt arrogant about it. It was just an ingrained expectation, as sure as daily teeth-brushing & bathing,

Guess What? We ranked #6, #7, & #8 in our High School Senior Class, and we all have earned Bachelors and Masters Degrees from college!

#3 - Several years ago, I volunteered as a Teacher with my church’s summer education program. I was going to teach for a week. As the children filed into my classroom, there was on kid, we’ll call him “Little Johnny Doe” that I immediately knew was going to be a challenge. He came in late, was disruptive, a class “clown”, spoke rudely, and made it quite clear that he did not want to be here. I quietly breathed & prayed as to how to handle him, yet make the class effective for all of the kids.  Then an idea emerged!

I had all of the kids tell me their name and give me a brief introduction.

As expected, Johnny was loud, rude, and a jokester when doing his. He continued to be a distraction and disrespectful during the entire class.

As I was about to dismiss the class for the day, I smiled and said,

“Before we leave I would like to recognize someone.” All of the kids looked at each other, somewhat confused.

I continued, “I just want to give a huge Shout Out & Thanks to “Johnny Doe.” The other students looked at me in amazement…including “Little Johnny.”

“Johnny, you are always on time; very respectful; attentive; and interested in the class. You are a great role model for the entire class. I am so proud of you & grateful to have you in this class. Thanks everyone. I will see you all tomorrow.” 

The other kids looked at me as if I had grown horns out of my head! “Little Johnny” had his mouth open, eyes wide, and looked at me certain that I must be on drugs! J I looked at him deeply in his eyes to let him know that I was saying this with deep belief, conviction & pride. He walked out of the room…utterly stunned!

I repeated this mantra every day. "Little Johnny" was in shock. His expression seemed to say, "Are you seriously talking about me?"  The other students unconsciously started looking to him to be what I was praising him for.

Guess What? After a few days, “Little Johnny” came to my class ON TIME. He was respectful, helpful, engaged, and quiet! He not only emerged as the class “role model” I had told him he was, but he also set the bar of excellence that unconsciously encouraged the other students to do the same.

Other teachers came to me at the end of the program and said, “We don’t know what you did, but our initial “problem child” has been awarded MOST IMPROVED, MOST HELPFUL and a Certificate of Leadership Excellence this summer. What in the world did you do??!!” 

I reflected on it and calmly replied, “I encouraged him to rise to my expectations of him. And he did…”  J