“I Can’t Want It More…”

Most of us want the best for ourselves as well as others.

I have always had a personal commitment to want others to have opportunities and options.

I recall when I was planning to go on my first cruise and wanted a close friend to go with me. I even paid the initial deposit. When it was time to pay the balance, I was prepared to do that as well. However, her parents had decided that they were going to pay it. Nevertheless, she said she did not want to go. I tried every persuasive tactic that I could think of to convince her to go. She would say things like, “My parents can’t afford it.” I countered, “They are making an investment in you. They want you to see that the world is bigger than your small, hometown view.” She still refused…   It finally dawned on me…Her parents & I wanted it more for her than she did for herself… 
The humbling lesson is that you cannot want anything for anyone more than they want it for themselves. Once you or someone makes a firm decision, help, resources, & encouragement will overwhelm you. People will be “the wind beneath your wings;” the gasoline in your tank; & cheerleaders to get you there. But…YOU HAVE GOT TO WANT IT FIRST.

One of my favorite lines in a movie was from Rocky III. It was Rocky and his wife Adrian on the beach. She forced him to admit he was afraid to fight Clubber Lane:

Adrian:  “… Apollo thinks you can do it, so do I. But you gotta want to do it for the right reasons. Not for the guilt over Mickey, not for the people, not for the title, not for money or me, but for you. Just you. Just you alone.

Bonnie Raitt even mentions this in her 1991 hit song I Can’t Make You Love Me. The song highlights that you cannot want a relationship more than the other person. The chorus says: “I can't make you love me. If you don't. You can't make your heart feel Something it won't. Here in the dark In these final hours, I will lay down my heart And I'll feel the power; But you won't. No, you won't. 'Cuz I can't make you love me If you don't.” http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/bonnieraitt/icantmakeyouloveme.html

The Bible discusses this in Matthew 10:14 (NKJV): “And whoever will not receive you nor hear your words, when you depart from that house or city, shake off the dust from your feet.” Jesus instructed his twelve disciples that, when they have tried to share the gospel with someone who doesn’t want it for themselves, they must move on.

On the website www.4060men.com, an article titled “Wanting More for Someone Than They Want for Themselves,” it says:  It is a matter of perspective, for sure, as you see something they apparently don’t see. But the bottom line is that if you want something for somebody more than they want it for themselves, it is an unhealthy relational scenario.  It reminds me of the quote I’ve written about some time ago that goes like this: “Any relationship is under the control of the person who cares the least.”  If you want an outcome for someone, even a good one, more than that person wants that outcome, you’ll not only be frustrated in the relationship but also hurt in it. You got to let it go, really let it go, or your hurt and frustration will only damage the relationship.

http://www.4060men.com/read/blog/wanting-more-for-someone-than-they-want-for-themselves/

On the website Attitude Orange, this concept is discussed:  “…I have seen the big possibilities in life. This positive outlook has prompted me to want to pass on to others my desire to excel. However, what is good for one person doesn’t always apply to others. With time…I now realize that trying too hard for others helps no one if the other doesn’t want it as well. Also, what we may judge as being good for others may in fact not be good at all! Our perceptions are often colored by the sunglasses of our beliefs and our experiences and may lack the proper focus when it comes to the lives of others.”  http://www.attitudeorange.com/en/do-you-want-more-for-others-than-they-do-for-themselves/

I can’t want it more for you than you want it for yourself.” – Janette McGowen

Bottom-line: Time well-spent is in being the best YOU God & yourself want you to be. It is great to encourage, motivate, and inspire others, but it has to be from where they are and want to go…not where you think they should go.  #LearningInProgress