Do You Have A “Blindside” ???

A Blindside is “the part of one's field of vision, as to the side or rear, where one cannot see approaching objects; the side opposite that toward which a person is looking.”  http://www.thefreedictionary.com/blindside

We all have one. It may be your spouse, your kids, your best friend, your job, someone you trust, or a favorite food or hobby. It usually is something that can do no wrong in your eyes, no matter what anyone says to you. I know someone whose “blindside” was an employee. No matter what anyone would tell him about the inappropriate behavior & customer service this person rendered, he totally refused to believe it. 

Oftentimes our “blindside” is cemented in our minds by our egos, sense of denial, or adamant unwavering of our thoughts & beliefs. Nevertheless, our refusal to see something or even acknowledge it, does not change the fact that it still exists. 

Being “brutally” honest with oneself is probably the hardest thing a person can do in their lifetime. This may explain why so few of us do it.

Imagine a performer on stage. The spotlight is on them, revealing every single imperfection they may have. It is easier to cast the spotlight on them, while hiding behind it and not have the light on us.

This is noticeable during sports events. We criticize everything about their technique, their endurance, and their attitude…while we sat on the sidelines. Most of us can’t even run around the couch, yet we have advice on what a NBA player, World Cup Soccer contender, or an Olympic athlete should or should not do.

I have even caught myself getting all caught up emotionally about things and noticed that I was making it all about me. We tend to focus on what we want instead of what is the best solution. We are afraid to do this because it may mean surrendering everything you want for what is best. In Romans 8:28 (NKJV) says “And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.”

This may explain why our government is in shambles. Everyone is focusing on what they want, afraid someone else will win. We are a part of a team. If one wins, we all win.

“It’s amazing what you can accomplish if you do not care who gets the credit.” – Harry S. Truman

 “Do you want to be right or do you want to be happy?” – Dr. Phil McGraw     

“We don’t see things as they are, we see them as we are.” – Anais Nin

“People will judge you by your actions, not your intentions. You may have a heart of gold, but so does an egg.” – unknown

Isn’t it interesting how we can see the bad, ugly, or inappropriate in everybody else…except ourselves??

The Bible addresses this in Matthew 7:2-5 (NKJV):  2 For with what judgment you judge, you will be judged; and with the measure you use, it will be measured back to you. 3 And why do you look at the speck in your brother’s eye, but do not consider the plank in your own eye? 4 Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me remove the speck from your eye’; and look, a plank is in your own eye? 5 Hypocrite! First remove the plank from your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.”

Many of us are so arrogant. We think, “God, your will be done…as long as it is what I want.” We will not get anywhere thinking like this.

Maybe we are our own 'blindside???"  You are no longer “blindsided” if you are aware that there may be a different view than your own. 

It may serve us well if we changed the thought process from being “what I want” to WHAT DOES GOD WANT.

Settling for Mediocrity

I woke up at 3:05 a.m., abruptly and in disdain. Reality hit me hard. I quietly whispered to myself, “You are settling for mediocrity.”

Mediocrity is defined as “the quality of something that is not very good; moderate ability or value.”http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/mediocrity

I realized that I needed to “raise my own expectations” for my life. Many of us are taught to set goals or have dreams.

Many of us do, but don’t act on them. I realized that most of my adult life has been defined by my settling.

“A dream without a plan is just a wish.” – unknown

Cases in Point:

High School: Instead of striving for #1, Valedictorian, I settled for #7.

College: Instead of pursuing my passion to be a Physician, I settled for an average GPA and a general Business Administration degree.

First Job: As a Sales Executive, and although I am naturally competitive, I settled for being one of the top quota-earning salespersons, instead of being Top Salesperson of the Year.

Church:  Instead of being a vibrant, active, roll-your-sleeves-up servant, I have now allowed my current health challenges to have me settle as a beloved, pew-occupying member.

Health: Instead of rising up to be a Thriver & Overcomer, I am settling for “just managing."

Writing:  Instead of New York Times Best-Selling Author, I am settling on hiding behind blogging & Facebook posts.

I MUST “raise my own expectations.” This will unconsciously inspire other people to do the same.

I must see myself as I want to be – better yet, AS GOD SEES ME - not as I currently am.

I must set the bar of where I want to be much higher than my mind can imagine. That’s what faith in God is all about…

Even spiritually, our bars are raised too low.

We should all strive daily:

Matthew 25:21 (NKJV): “His lord said to him, ‘Well done, good and faithful servant; you were faithful over a few things, I will make you ruler over many things. Enter into the joy of your lord.’ “

Hebrews 12:1-3 (NKJV): “…let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily ensnares us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, 2 looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. 3 For consider Him who endured such hostility from sinners against Himself, lest you become weary and discouraged in your souls.”

2 Timothy 4:6-8 (NKJV): “...I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. 8 Finally, there is laid up for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will give to me on that Day, and not to me only but also to all who have loved His appearing.”

We SAY we want to go to Heaven…yet we are comfortable with our complacent, self-pleasing, All-About-Me existence here on Earth.

Have you raised your own expectations?  Are you settling??? 

Energy "REDIRECTED”

I am growing to realize that the same energy it takes to criticize, judge, be rude, be hurtful, or think/say/do something negative to someone or about something…is the same amount of energy it takes to smile, be kind, say something kind, or comment on the good in a person or situation.

Case in Point:  Social Media. 

This forum provides the ability for people to be critical and downright ugly to others. They say things “online” that they wouldn’t dare say to someone in person. I have always wondered, “And what did you gain from that?”

“All blame is a waste of time. No matter how much fault you find with another or regardless of how much you blame him, it will not change you.” – Wayne Dyer

If someone believes it made them appear superior or bold, it didn’t. It only revealed insecurity, judgment, jealousy, envy, self-hatred, & lack of character, and lack of love for God or human beings. I now understand these quotes:

“What others think about you is none of your business.” - unknown

“Stop letting people who do so little for you control so much of your mind, feelings, and emotions.” – Will Smith

It’s sadly amusing how we criticize others for having a different opinion than ours. When the question is: Maybe you are the one who is different?

“We don’t see things as they are; we see things as we are.” – Anais Nin

One of my favorite reflections is: “You may find yourself preaching to others to get out of the rain; yet, they are all looking at you oddly, because you are the only one soaking wet.”

The irony is that whatever you are thinking or saying about someone else, they may be doing the same about you.

Examples:

You: “She sure could use a pedicure!”

Someone (about you): “Her pedicure looks awful! What a horrible nail design!”

You: “Her skirt is too short!”

Someone (about you): “She is dressed back in the 1950’s!”

You: “They have very disrespectful children.”

Someone (about you): “I feel sorry for them because they don’t have children.”

You: “Why didn’t she go right? Right would have been a better direction…”

Someone (about you): “Why wouldn't she go left? Left would have been a better choice…”

“If you change the way you look at things, the way you look at things change.” – Wayne Dyer

Let’s all decide TODAY to see the good in everything.

Negative:  “Look at her braces!”

Positive: “Just think…within a year, her braces will be gone and she will have a dazzling smile. Regardless, she is still beautiful.”

Negative: “She looks so fat here in the gym.”

Positive: “Wow! She inspires me. Her determination will equal a healthier body one day soon.”

Why not redirect our energy toward the positive?

It may not immediately change the world…but it will change you…

“I Can’t Want It More…”

Most of us want the best for ourselves as well as others.

I have always had a personal commitment to want others to have opportunities and options.

I recall when I was planning to go on my first cruise and wanted a close friend to go with me. I even paid the initial deposit. When it was time to pay the balance, I was prepared to do that as well. However, her parents had decided that they were going to pay it. Nevertheless, she said she did not want to go. I tried every persuasive tactic that I could think of to convince her to go. She would say things like, “My parents can’t afford it.” I countered, “They are making an investment in you. They want you to see that the world is bigger than your small, hometown view.” She still refused…   It finally dawned on me…Her parents & I wanted it more for her than she did for herself… 
The humbling lesson is that you cannot want anything for anyone more than they want it for themselves. Once you or someone makes a firm decision, help, resources, & encouragement will overwhelm you. People will be “the wind beneath your wings;” the gasoline in your tank; & cheerleaders to get you there. But…YOU HAVE GOT TO WANT IT FIRST.

One of my favorite lines in a movie was from Rocky III. It was Rocky and his wife Adrian on the beach. She forced him to admit he was afraid to fight Clubber Lane:

Adrian:  “… Apollo thinks you can do it, so do I. But you gotta want to do it for the right reasons. Not for the guilt over Mickey, not for the people, not for the title, not for money or me, but for you. Just you. Just you alone.

Bonnie Raitt even mentions this in her 1991 hit song I Can’t Make You Love Me. The song highlights that you cannot want a relationship more than the other person. The chorus says: “I can't make you love me. If you don't. You can't make your heart feel Something it won't. Here in the dark In these final hours, I will lay down my heart And I'll feel the power; But you won't. No, you won't. 'Cuz I can't make you love me If you don't.” http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/bonnieraitt/icantmakeyouloveme.html

The Bible discusses this in Matthew 10:14 (NKJV): “And whoever will not receive you nor hear your words, when you depart from that house or city, shake off the dust from your feet.” Jesus instructed his twelve disciples that, when they have tried to share the gospel with someone who doesn’t want it for themselves, they must move on.

On the website www.4060men.com, an article titled “Wanting More for Someone Than They Want for Themselves,” it says:  It is a matter of perspective, for sure, as you see something they apparently don’t see. But the bottom line is that if you want something for somebody more than they want it for themselves, it is an unhealthy relational scenario.  It reminds me of the quote I’ve written about some time ago that goes like this: “Any relationship is under the control of the person who cares the least.”  If you want an outcome for someone, even a good one, more than that person wants that outcome, you’ll not only be frustrated in the relationship but also hurt in it. You got to let it go, really let it go, or your hurt and frustration will only damage the relationship.

http://www.4060men.com/read/blog/wanting-more-for-someone-than-they-want-for-themselves/

On the website Attitude Orange, this concept is discussed:  “…I have seen the big possibilities in life. This positive outlook has prompted me to want to pass on to others my desire to excel. However, what is good for one person doesn’t always apply to others. With time…I now realize that trying too hard for others helps no one if the other doesn’t want it as well. Also, what we may judge as being good for others may in fact not be good at all! Our perceptions are often colored by the sunglasses of our beliefs and our experiences and may lack the proper focus when it comes to the lives of others.”  http://www.attitudeorange.com/en/do-you-want-more-for-others-than-they-do-for-themselves/

I can’t want it more for you than you want it for yourself.” – Janette McGowen

Bottom-line: Time well-spent is in being the best YOU God & yourself want you to be. It is great to encourage, motivate, and inspire others, but it has to be from where they are and want to go…not where you think they should go.  #LearningInProgress

“Rising to Your Expectations”

I have been a longtime believer in the concept that people will “rise to the expectations” you give them.  This is most notable in children. If you keep telling a child that “You are bad!” they will become that. If you tell them, “You are amazing!” they will become that.

Cases in Point:

#1 - While watching Oprah Winfrey interview the late Dr. Maya Angelou, she recounted her troubled childhood. She said that one day her mother stopped on the street, looked her firmly in the eyes and said, “I think you are one of the greatest women I have ever met. Mary McLeod Bethune, Eleanor Roosevelt and my mother…in that category.” Maya was stunned! She said, from that moment on, she thought to herself, “Suppose she is right? I may have something of value, maybe not just to me…”  The rest is history…

http://www.oprah.com/own-master-class/Dr-Maya-Angelou-on-the-Power-of-Words-Video

#2 - I clearly recall being in Kindergarten, approximately 6 years old. The teacher asked the class, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” Of course, most students gave the typical childlike answers…”A Policeman…A Fireman…An Indian Chief.” When she got to me, I replied, “I don’t really know…” She knew I was a very bright student. She inquired further, ”Why do you say that?”

I shrugged my shoulders and replied, “Mommy & Daddy say that we (my triplet sisters & me) are going to be in the Top 10 of our High School Senior Class and that we are going to complete college. I don’t know what any of that means. But that is what Mommy & Daddy say…”  I never felt arrogant about it. It was just an ingrained expectation, as sure as daily teeth-brushing & bathing,

Guess What? We ranked #6, #7, & #8 in our High School Senior Class, and we all have earned Bachelors and Masters Degrees from college!

#3 - Several years ago, I volunteered as a Teacher with my church’s summer education program. I was going to teach for a week. As the children filed into my classroom, there was on kid, we’ll call him “Little Johnny Doe” that I immediately knew was going to be a challenge. He came in late, was disruptive, a class “clown”, spoke rudely, and made it quite clear that he did not want to be here. I quietly breathed & prayed as to how to handle him, yet make the class effective for all of the kids.  Then an idea emerged!

I had all of the kids tell me their name and give me a brief introduction.

As expected, Johnny was loud, rude, and a jokester when doing his. He continued to be a distraction and disrespectful during the entire class.

As I was about to dismiss the class for the day, I smiled and said,

“Before we leave I would like to recognize someone.” All of the kids looked at each other, somewhat confused.

I continued, “I just want to give a huge Shout Out & Thanks to “Johnny Doe.” The other students looked at me in amazement…including “Little Johnny.”

“Johnny, you are always on time; very respectful; attentive; and interested in the class. You are a great role model for the entire class. I am so proud of you & grateful to have you in this class. Thanks everyone. I will see you all tomorrow.” 

The other kids looked at me as if I had grown horns out of my head! “Little Johnny” had his mouth open, eyes wide, and looked at me certain that I must be on drugs! J I looked at him deeply in his eyes to let him know that I was saying this with deep belief, conviction & pride. He walked out of the room…utterly stunned!

I repeated this mantra every day. "Little Johnny" was in shock. His expression seemed to say, "Are you seriously talking about me?"  The other students unconsciously started looking to him to be what I was praising him for.

Guess What? After a few days, “Little Johnny” came to my class ON TIME. He was respectful, helpful, engaged, and quiet! He not only emerged as the class “role model” I had told him he was, but he also set the bar of excellence that unconsciously encouraged the other students to do the same.

Other teachers came to me at the end of the program and said, “We don’t know what you did, but our initial “problem child” has been awarded MOST IMPROVED, MOST HELPFUL and a Certificate of Leadership Excellence this summer. What in the world did you do??!!” 

I reflected on it and calmly replied, “I encouraged him to rise to my expectations of him. And he did…”  J

“Say What You Need To Say…”

I found myself humming this song in my mind. Some of the lyrics and chorus of the heart-felt song by John Mayer Say What You Need To Say are:
Say what you need to say

Say what you need to say

Say what you need to say

Say what you need to say

Have no fear for givin' in

Have no fear for givin' over

You better know that in the end

It's better to say too much

Than to never to say what you need to say again

http://www.metrolyrics.com/say-what-you-need-to-say-lyrics-john-mayer.html

I am reminded of the advice my late grandmother gave when things seemed tense. She would say, “Just don’t say anything. It’s best to have peace.”

Although I loved my grandmother dearly, I don’t completely agree with this advice. Sometimes, NOT saying anything causes internal damage such as, resentment, stress, anger, and frustration. These emotions can erode your inner being to the point of manifesting themselves in physical ways like chronic illness and disease.

Wisdom is the critical factor. Sometimes you need to “say what you need to say” about something to cleanse and heal you. Other times, “silence” is the best response. It is often in HOW you say it and your intent that makes the difference.

The Bible speaks of this discernment between silence & speaking:

Ecclesiastes 3:7 (NKJV): “A time to tear, And a time to sew; A time to keep silence, And a time to speak;

Matthew 12:36 (NKJV): “But I say to you that for every idle word men may speak, they will give account of it in the day of judgment.”

Ephesians 4:25(NKJV): “Therefore, putting away lying, “Let each one of you speak truth with his neighbor,” for we are members of one another.

Titus 3:2 (NKJV): “to speak evil of no one, to be peaceable, gentle, showing all humility to all men.

James 1:19 (NKJV): “So then, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath;

James 4:11 (NKJV): “Do not speak evil of one another…”

Powerful Quotes include:

“Before You Speak, THINK. Is it: True, Helpful, Inspiring, Necessary, Kind?”

“Be sure to taste your words before you spit them out.” - unknown

 “Two things indicate weakness. One, to be silent when it is the proper time to speak. Second, to speak when it is the proper time to be silent.” – unknown

 “Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak. Courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen.” – Winston Churchill

“Open your mouth only if what you are going to say is more beautiful than your silence.” – Arabic proverb

“Don’t waste words on people who deserve your silence. Sometimes, the most powerful thing you can say is NOTHING AT ALL.” – Mandy Hale

“You don’t have to attend every argument you are invited to.” – unknown

“Silence is the best reply to a fool.” – unknown
"I will not stay silent so you can remain comfortable." - unknown

Lesson: “Say What You Need To Say.” Sometimes, that is silence.

“I Said What I Meant and Meant What I Said…”

I recall my Dad saying this to my siblings and me when we persistently tried to get his approval of something he had already said “no” to. With my skill of persuasion, I would counter his “no” with very thought-out, clever rebuttals. With a firm look of finality, he would say “I said what I meant and meant what I said…”

Many of us, including myself, can be guilty of hearing what we WANT to hear instead of what is actually said.

“When people show you (tell you) who they are, believe them the first time.” – Maya Angelou

People (especially MEN) generally mean exactly what they say.

Example:

Man: “I’m not ready to get married.”

Woman: (through her filter, she hears: “Oh, he just means that he is nervous right now…”)

NO!  He meant what he said.

Women tend to be more vulnerable when it comes to hearing what we WANT to hear.

“Women marry men believing they can change them;

Men marry women believing they will never change.” - unknown

 The Scriptures clarify this in Matthew 5:37 (NKJV): “ But let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No.’ For whatever is more than these is from the evil one.”

 Quotes to Remember:

“I’d rather be devastated by the truth than mesmerized with a lie.” – Janette McGowen

“Be Who You Are and Say What You Feel, Because Those Who Mind Don’t Matter and Those Who Matter Don’t Mind.” – Dr. Seuss

We could minimize a lot of frustration if we would also “say what we mean and mean what we say.” An example would be to tell someone that you like chocolate ice cream, when you actually prefer vanilla. Oftentimes, we are afraid to disappoint someone by our honesty.  However, others will take you for your word, and then find themselves confused with your disapproval.  Note To Self: “Stop expecting others to read your mind.”

This is also played out in law-enforcement, when it comes to sexual assault. “No Means No” is applied in instances where the victim says “no” to sexual advances period. The past exceptions were if she dressed promiscuously; failed to scream, struggle, or try to escape. http://www.westcoastleaf.org/index.php?pageID=36

The Lord is “crystal clear” in his plans for us. In Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV): “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

HE says what he means and means what HE says.” Shouldn’t we?