“Fading into Obscurity…”

(my most personal, raw, scary, & revealing post yet...)

Merriam-Webster defines “Obscurity” as : the state of being unknown or forgotten. http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/obscurity

In the past, I was somewhat of an “extrovert.” I loved meeting new people. I am an Advanced Toastmaster and have spoken to groups as large as 1,000+ people, fearlessly. My professional background is in Sales. Presentations? No problem. I realized that I have the gift of establishing “instant rapport” and gaining trust. I was "Ms. Independent" and a total Control Freak.

I absolutely loved serving at my church – from being my minister’s loyal Staff Assistant; to being a reliable, valuable resource to our leadership, office administration, assistant ministers, and 50+ ministries.

I took the “lead” when it came to family activities. I was a “Mover & Shaker” and loved “being in the know.”

Funny, what an unexpected, devastating health diagnosis can do. It's as though my life came to a “screeching halt.”

I was diagnosed with Primary Progressive Multiple Sclerosis almost 2 years ago. And it has taken me this long to even say it or write about it without breaking-down crying. (O.K???...Getting there…as tears roll down my face…)

My minister helped me realize that I am experiencing the “Stages of Grief.” I am grieving the “death” or the end of my life, as I knew it. I am still bargaining with God, resenting, and not-yet-fully-accepting having to adjust my life to adapt to this “New Normal.”

I was told by an MS Counselor that: Cognitively & Logistically – I appear to have it all together. However, Emotionally?? I seem to be struggling…
And then to tops things off...my employer eliminated my entire national division.

Being forced to “be still” has been very revealing. I NOW see that everything that I was "so busy” doing…everyone that I thought relied on me…everything that I was so “obsessed about”…is moving right along…without me...without my involvement or my input.

I am feeling as though I am“no longer relevant”…

I had an “Aha Moment” during the Tennessee Titans' 2013 Football season. I identified with Jake Locker, the Quarterback. He was so used to Coach Mike Munchak relying on him for game strategy and team leadership. But after his injuries…he realized that he was no longer “on the field” or even “in the game.” Although Coach Munchak respected him & what he had brought to the team in the past, he no longer needed to confer with him. Games still needed to be won…Playoffs need to be earned…the Super Bowl goal still needed to be met. WOW!...what a “light bulb” moment…

I have been trying to retreat…similar to a turtle pulling its head back into its shell. Words like "Joy, Happiness, & Fun" are somewhat elusive to me. I have become quiet; less opinionated; less confident; more evasive; more reclusive; less participatory. I find that I am even dressing in subtle, non-attention-drawing clothes. Please, let me just ease into the background...out-of-sight-out-of-mind, behind-the-curtains, in the darkness, invisible... 

I am trying to “Fade into Obscruity.”

But, apparently, GOD has other plans for me. You See?...HE Won’t Let Me!!!

I thought I could simply “hide” behind my computer & my own personal journal.

However, it is as though HE has gently “nudged” me forward via blogging.

Blogging has pushed me into writing (something I have always loved to do – but never had time to pursue.) I am humbled that my blog seems to have resonated with so many people.

For the first time in my life, I feel that I am truly learning to “surrender” and really TRUST GOD.

It’s as though I am floating along in a row boat…

Can’t Swim…
No Life Jacket…
No Oars…
No Compass...

Just Floating out into the Unknown…toward that endless Horizon...
I hear one of my favorite scriptures speaking to me. Proverbs 3:5-6 (NKJV): 
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart, And lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He shall direct your paths.”

I must allow the LORD to direct my path, chart my course, & determine my destination. I don't know where I am going. I will just sit back and enjoy the journey…

Feel free to join me… 

“Are You TOO BUSY??” 

I recall someone, whose opinion I respect and value, telling me that although they were proud of me, asking me to discontinue sending them my blog because they were “too busy” to read them.

How can someone say they care about you, say that you are talented…but can’t give “3 minutes “of their day to read a blog or to be supportive?

Although I immediately adhered to this request, it forced me to reflect on my own "busyness."

I have to humbly admit that I have been guilty of this. Telling people that I was too busy to talk; too busy to read & reply to their voice-mail, text or email; too busy to do lunch. Interesting…how we find time to do what is important to us…

Try This:

• Make a list of all things you are “So Busy” doing.
• If you drop-dead right now, Will They Matter?

Guess What?...Life will move right on without you. And the things you were “So Busy” doing? Either someone else will do them – or they will be deemed non-essential and ignored.

If we are “too busy” to love and encourage each other...then what’s the point of our existence?

Parents?  If you are “too busy”:

• to read to your children; 
• to cheer them on;
• to be interested in their opinions, hopes, & dreams;
• to support them in their goals & endeavors; 
• to just LISTEN to them…
• to tell them you LOVE them; Then you are busier than GOD meant for you to be.

God gives us millions of way each day to do HIS WILL, which is to love and care about each other.

Powerful Quotes to Live By:

• “Never get so busy making a living that you forget to make a life.” – unknown
• “No matter how ‘BUSY’ a person is, if they really care, they will always find the time for you.” – unknown
• "It's not enough to be busy, so are ants. The question is, what are we busy about?" -Henry David Thoreau
• “Stop the glorification of busy.” – unknown
• “It’s not about having time. It’s about MAKING time.” - unknown

We ALL are given a set time per day:  86,400 Seconds; 1,440 Minutes; and 24 Hours in a day. How are we using them?

“Being Busy” is a powerful tool used by Satan to keep you distracted from GOD. Are you allowing Satan to win?
Are you “Too Busy?”

  “So Emotional…”

   The song “So Emotional” was a #1 hit by the great, late Whitney Houston.

   Some of the lyrics are:

   I get so emotional baby

   Every time I think of you

   I get so emotional baby

   Ain't it shocking what love can do

   http://www.metrolyrics.com/so-emotional-lyrics-whitney-houston.html

   
   Although this song is about relationships, it impacts me at a more personal
   level. After doing continuous self-assessment, I have come to the realization
   that I am an "emotional being.”

   I remember, as a child, often being described as:

•     “too emotional,”
•     “wearing my heart on my sleeve,”
•     “having feelings that are too easily hurt,”
•     “taking things too personally.”         

        I spent many years trying NOT to be these things.

        To be otherwise would make me too weak...too vulnerable. 

        I had to maintain my thick skin,be tough, and be strong.

   It finally dawned on me that I was denying my Authentic Self. 
   I am the woman that God uniquely created ME to be.

   The key is for me to accept and appreciate this about myself.

   However, I must learn to be more protective of myself and these
   wonderful qualities from circumstances or people who do not appreciate
   them or try to take advantage of me because of them.

   Unfortunately, many major decisions I have made emotionally, up to this point
   in my life, have not necessarily been the wisest ones. The saying Hindsight
   is 20/20 is truly relevant for me. I can now see how with a more pragmatic
   – less emotional head, better decisions could have been enjoyed.

   Being someone who is “so emotional,” there are a few best practices that
   I must incorporate:

Ø I have to work on deliberately pausing to process every thought, word, or deed from myself or others.

Ø I must be careful not to jump to conclusions or make hasty emotional decisions.

Ø I must adhere to James 1:19 (NKJV): “So then, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath;”

Ø I must be diligent in not making emotional, irrational decisions that could have long-term or even permanent consequences.

Ø I must surround myself with people who love & respect this quality about me, as I love & respect this quality about others.

Ø I must remember that the best decisions are spiritual decisions – What Would Jesus Do? Is God pleased with me?

   What Can I Say? I am “so emotional"…and I don’t apologize for it…

FORGIVE while...Remembering???

We are often given the advice to “Forgive and Forget.” 

Merriam-Webster defines these words as:

Forgive: to stop feeling anger toward (someone who has done something wrong): to stop blaming (someone) : to stop feeling anger about (something) : to forgive someone for (something wrong)  http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/forgive

Forget: to be unable to think of or remember (something) :to stop thinking or caring about : to cease from doing :to disregard intentionally :to give up hope for or expectation of :to cease remembering or noticing  http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/forget

I have found it difficult to reconcile this advice. I can forgive; but, if I forget, will I be vulnerable to this happening to me again?

Case in Point:  People of Jewish descent. They have forgiven the Hitler regime for the atrocities done to them and their ancestors during the Holocaust. However, Jewish children are taught about the Holocaust at a very early age. Their rationale is that “what is forgotten can be repeated.”

http://www.kveller.com/preschooler/How_To_Talk_About/holocaust-talking-to-kids.shtml

“As the Nobel laureate Elie Wiesel warned years ago, to forget a holocaust is to kill twice.” ― Iris Chang, The Rape of Nanking

Although I don’t closely adhere to Zodiac Signs, I am Taurus, the Bull. One of our characteristics is that we are very loyal. But once that trust is breached, it is virtually impossible to earn back.

In my early professional career, I lowered my defenses and trusted a colleague who I believed to be a dear friend and confidante’ for almost 9 years – all throughout my naïve’ 20’s. Although 2+2 never quite added up to 4, I ignored these red flags. I was profoundly loyal and trusted her completely & unconditionally, going out of my way to do any and everything in the world for her.

When an intervention occurred of other friends trying to enlighten me, I still refused to believe them. It took them repeating to me things she had told them very freely – my most intimate, embarrassing secrets that I had only ever told her – for me to have my eyes opened. I practically hyperventilated! I felt as though someone had literally punched me in the stomach – leaving me unable to breathe. This ultimate betrayal was overwhelming. I was inconsolable.

I am sad to say that my erratic response, although very effective & professionally executed, was not reflective of my authentic self. I remember being upset with my cousin, who reminded me of Matthew 18:15 by saying, "You really should have went to her, and her alone." I emotionally rejected this advice. I humbly wish I hadn't.

Lesson Learned: “When someone does something wrong to you, without forgiveness, you become them.”

Nevertheless, I still have lasting scars of remembrance. Trusting others now is very difficult. The endearing term "friend" is used very cautiously.

I ended up working with her again years later, as well as crossing paths at a few social events. Will I ever trust her again? Unlikely. Although I still remember the hurt and betrayal I endured, I was and am, even now, able to think of her fondly and wish her well. 

One of the most memorable lines in the Tyler Perry movie, Diary of a Mad Black Woman, Madea gives advice to her domestically-abused niece, Helen: 

“You think  you over something? You think you're ready to get on with your life? This is how you really find out if you're over someone: If you get the opportunity to get even with someone and you don't take it, then you're over it…”  http://jusbreathe-magically.blogspot.com/2008/07/diary-of-mad-black-woman.html

Powerful Quotes to Remind You:

• “Life becomes easier when you learn to accept the apology you never got.” – Robert Brault
• “Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.” – John F. Kennedy
• “Forgiveness does not always lead to a healed relationship. Some people are not capable of love, and it might be wise to let them go, along with your anger. Just wish them well and take care of yourself.” – unknown
• “To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.” – Lewis Smedes
• “Forgiveness is giving up the hope that the past could have been any different. It’s accepting the past for what it was, and using this time and this moment to help yourself move forward.” – Oprah Winfrey
• “Forgive them, even if they are not sorry. Holding onto anger only hurts you, not them.” – unknown
• “When tempted to ‘Fight Fire with Fire', remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.” – unknown
•  “True Forgiveness is when you can say, ‘Thank You for that Experience.’ “ – Oprah Winfrey

I Challenge You to “Forgive while Remembering”, Accept the Lessons Learned, Forgive Yourself, and Move Forward…

“Ain’t Nobody Got Time For That!”

This phrase went “viral” on YouTube and the internet when a KFOR News Channel 4 Reporter asked a resident named Sweet Brown her account of escaping a fire that broke out at her apartment complex.

She said, “Well, I woke up to go get me a cold pop; then I thought somebody was barbecueing. I said, ‘Oh, Lord Jesus, it’s a fire!’ Then I ran out…I didn’t grab no shoes or nothing… Jesus…I ran for my life! And then the smoke got me. I’ve got bronchitis. Ain’t Nobody Got Time For That!”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=udS-OcNtSWo

This interview has been remixed as a music parody, and “Sweet Brown” has become an overnight celebrity. All of this due to her real-life brush with death.

Although, it was somewhat comical, none of us honestly know what we will say if asked to recount a life-threatening experience on-the-spot.

 Regardless, I find myself using this phrase quite often now as I assess things in my life.  Here are a few:

• Dealing with major health challenges…
• Sweating the Small Stuff…
• Caring what people say about me…
• Begging for people to forgive me…
• Not forgiving others…
• Taking Advice from people who don’t know anything…
• Expecting everyone I care about to care about me…
• Worrying about what others think about me…
• Not making GOD the #1 Priority in my life…
• Not making MYSELF the #2 Priority in my life…
• Not Being Happy…
• Not Operating Healthier…
• Doing what the World Does…
• Being Afraid to say “No”…
• Trying to be everything to everybody…
• Not planning to fail but failing to plan…
• Needing approval, praise, or validation from others…
• Being paralyzed by FEAR…

 When confronted with life’s complicated and conflicting challenges, just remember to utter the famous words of Sweet Brown:

“Ain’t Nobody Got Time for That!”  J

Be “Good for Nothing”

Bro. Gerald Lee, minister, and former Executive Assistant to the President of Southwestern Christian College, in Terrell, TX, was a guest minister at my church one Sunday several years ago. He preached a sermon that he called “Good For Nothing”.

He initially asked the audience, “How many of you feel that when people say to you, ‘You ain’t good for nothing,’ that it is a compliment?”

No one raised their hands. Many mumbled, "No." He explained that society has dubbed this to be a bad insult.

Our goal as Christians is to focus on “doing good” without expecting anything in return. By your faith and your sacrifice, God will reward you greatly. 

Luke 6:34-36 (NKJV) says: “And if you lend to those from whom you hope to receive back, what credit is that to you? For even sinners lend to sinners to receive as much back. But love your enemies, do good, and lend, hoping for nothing in return; and your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High. For He is kind to the unthankful and evil. Therefore be merciful, just as your Father also is merciful.”

I am also reminded of an affirmation by John Wesley titled, “All You Can.”

Do all the Good you can.

By all the Means you can,

In all the Ways you can,

In all the Places you can,

At all the Times you can,

To all the People you can,

As Long As Ever You Can.

Powerful Quotes to Remember:

 Ø “Never Get Tired of Doing Little Things for Others; Sometimes those Little Things Occupy the Biggest Part of their Hearts.” – unknown

 Ø “We can’t Help Everyone but Everyone can help Someone." – Ronald Reagan

 Ø “Be the Reason Someone Smiles Today.” – unknown

 Ø “To the World you may be but one, but to One you may be the World.” - unknown

 Ø “You have Never really lived until you have done something for someone who can never Repay You.” – unknown

He asked the audience again, “Now…Who wants to be known as Good for Nothing?” (Everyone raised their hands and cheerfully stated "I do!" J)

Don’t You??

“Why Do We Do What We Do?”

Have you ever taken the time to ask yourself this question?

We drive the same way to work; comb our hair the same way; eat the same foods; watch the same news TV station; etc. Oftentimes, with no thought, rhyme-or-reason, or rationale as to why we did this..

Maybe it’s out of Habit. Maybe it is Laziness. Maybe it is Complacency. Maybe, we are stuck in our Comfort Zones. Maybe it is Fear. Maybe it is out of tradition.

If we would take the time to understand why we do what we do, we may discover an easier; cost-effective; happier; more satisfying way to enjoy our lives…

Reminds me of a story:

There was a young, newly-wed couple. 

The woman was attempting to cook her first Christmas Dinner. He husband watched proudly as she cautiously took a mouth-watering, tantalizing, juicy, large Country Ham out of the oven. She basted it with its wonderful juices and prepared to place it in a serving pan. She abruptly grabbed a large, carving knife and deliberately chopped off both ends! Two perfectly, edible sections of ham discarded.

Her husband was shocked! He asked her why she did this. She shrugged her shoulders and responded, “That is the way my mother always cooked it.” 

The husband was perplexed. He approached his new Mother-in-Law and asked her why she did this. She responded, “That is the way my mother always cooked it.”

Determined to get to the bottom of this mystery, he approached his new Grandmother.

He asked her why she did this. She responded, “Because my serving pan was too small…”  J

“The Other Shoe”

While in the midst of my emerging professional career in 1998, the media was blazing over the scandal of President Bill Clinton and a 22-year-old White House Intern Monica Lewinsky.

Although I felt this was a shocking and unfortunate lapse in moral judgment by President Clinton, I think I was more appalled by the hypocrisy of the people leading the charge to impeach him.

Example: “Speaker of the House Newt Gingrich, Representative from Georgia and leader of the Republican Revolution of 1994, admitted in 1998 to having had an affair with a House intern while he was married to his second wife, at the same time as he was leading the impeachment of Bill Clinton for perjury regarding an affair with intern Monica Lewinsky.” http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lewinsky_scandal

As I was spending some quiet time during my lunch hour one day, these words and phrases starting overwhelming me. I felt as though I was simply a “transcriber for my spirit.” I never considered myself a poet. While writing, even the title emerged.

Here is the result:

“The Other Shoe”

(by Janette McGowen)

When the friend needs befriending,

And the comforter needs comforting,

When the Savior now needs saving;

The attacker is attacked,

The accuser is now the accused,

And the behaved one is now misbehaving.

When the forgiver needs forgiving,

The care-giver needs caring for,

And the nurse now needs to be nursed;

The lover needs loving,

The employer is now unemployed,

And ironically, this was all unrehearsed.

When the disciplinarian needs discipline,

The trustee can no longer be trusted,

And the painter is now being painted;

When the house builder needs a house,

The married one now has no spouse,

And what was truth now seems tainted.

Whatever someone does to you,

Without forgiveness, you do right back to them;

And guess what? No one wins,

The world runs amuck,

And all seems gloomy and dim.

Oh, how we go through our lives, not noticing a thing,

With our possessions and our status and our lists;

And with a quick turn of fate,

We find everything in our lives,

No longer truly exists.

Oh, how small, yet connected, we find the world can be,

Amazing, yet so brutally true;

When we find our one foot, that was always secure,

Now resting in The Other Shoe.

“Power of the Human Touch…”

I was reminded of this while recently attending a funeral.

I was in the restroom. While waiting on my aunt, I sat in the waiting area in a comfortable lounge chair. 

Suddenly a very young mother came in looking frantically around with a young girl in her arms. I would estimate her age to be about 10-months-old. The baby girl was dressed beautifully, in a silky, pink, taffeta dress, with hair bows to match. The mother appeared to be looking for a changing station.

Since I was a member of this church, I told her, “There is no official changing station in this restroom. You might want to change her on the make-up station in front of us.”  She quickly said, “Oh...Ok.”  

Before I could say anything further, she began taking off her coat. She then asked, “Could you hold her for me?” 

I gasped!  Since I do not have children, this is not something I do on a regular basis.

Before I could close my mouth…she abruptly plopped the baby girl into my lap! The baby looked at me, then back at her mother. Her reaction reminded me of a line from the movie, The Color Purple: “Harpo? Who dis woman?”

I recovered quickly, held the child securely, and looked into her innocent eyes. The depth of those young eyes were so authentic...so pure...they melted my heart. I felt as though she was staring at my soul...

The young mother, appearing to feel reassured her daughter was in safe hands, went about her task of preparing to change her daughter. I bounced the baby on my lap, and smiled at her. I said, “You are so pretty!” The baby smiled, and continued to intensely watch me.

Within a few minutes, the young mother told me “Thank You,” and took the child from my arms. The child continued to look at me over her mother’s shoulder, as I left.

This simple interaction reminded me of how powerful our touch can be to someone.

"Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around." - Leo Buscaglia

We should NEVER take something so profound, yet so simple,  for granted…

“Heavenly-Minded or Earthly-Good?”

I remember when I was with my first company, straight out of college. I had entered Sales and had been quite successful over the years.

One year, my company decided to renovate our cubicles. We were to work from home for a few weeks. This was great!  I pulled my car to the front of the building and made numerous trips with boxes.

It was on a Wednesday. I was diligent about packing up my office. I figured I could finish by 5:00 p.m., make it home, unpack, freshen up, and make it across town to Bible Study by 7:00 p.m.

On my initial trip to my car, I noticed a young lady sitting in the lobby. It appeared as though she was off-work, waiting for someone. She appeared anxious. Although I DID see her, I was busy at the task at hand.

(Note: My personality is one in which I tend to “know everyone.”) Each trip, I chatted and laughed with everyone from other colleagues and managers to the Security staff. 

Each trip, I noticed her…watching me. I felt a little pride to display that I knew a lot of employees.

I was completing my final trip to my car. I was so proud of myself! I was right on schedule. As I was telling the Security Staff good-bye, the young lady approached me. She said,“Excuse me. I work in the Call Center. I see that you are leaving. May I ask you for a favor?” I always liked to believe that I was the Ultimate Problem-Solver.  I replied. “Sure!” 

She humbly asked, almost whispered,“Would it be possible for you to give me a ride home?” I was shocked! She continued,“My family just relocated here a few months ago. My brother was supposed to pick me up, but he called. He has been in a minor car accident. He has our only car. I’m not sure when he can make it here.” I asked, “What time did you get off work?” She said, “2:30 p.m.” Wow! She had been waiting for 2 ½ hours! Ugh!!  She is going to make me late for BIBLE STUDY!!!

I finally agreed to take her home. I made sure that Security saw her leaving with me. (In my mind, I am still thinking, “I can still keep my schedule and make it to CHURCH.”) I asked her where she lived. She said, “Franklin, TN. Off of Mack Hatcher Parkway.” (Quietly, I scream, “Are you kidding me?!!” Traffic is a nightmare in that direction this time of day! It was the opposite direction from where I lived!)   

When we got in the car, I secretly put a pair of scissors under my driver’s seat for protection. She initially appeared guarded and shy, sitting very close to the passenger door. However, while driving on the interstate, she became more relaxed and began talking. She said,“I have never asked anyone for a ride before. I thought you may be an Ax Murderer or a Serial Killer. But, you seemed so nice…like you knew everybody. And I figured, if Security knew you, you were probably safe.”

After about 1 hour of rush-hour-traffic, I pulled up in front of her home. Her Mom was ecstatic! She looked up at the sky, offering her thanks for answered prayers and waved to me with sincere gratitude. The young lady was smiling and so thankful. I humbly gave her my business card and said, “I work up on the 3^rd floor in Sales. If you ever need a ride or anything, please give me a call.”

I made it home at 7:25 p.m. Yes…I was too late to make it across town to Bible Study.

What a profound lesson! I was so busy trying to "get to Bible Study", that I almost missed the opportunity to put my learning into action.

Be careful of being so “Heavenly-Minded” that you are of no “Earthly-Good”…

I Need You, My Friend…

I woke up suddenly, very anxious and restless.  I found out that a dear friend had to be rushed to the hospital and is in Intensive Care. I prayed for him throughout the night and into the next day...and continued "praying without ceasing." 

I finally woke up at 2:00 a.m., inspired to write this.

Dealing with health challenges of my own, as well as attending a funeral of a young man recently, has truly humbled me and heightened my need to tell people I care about how I feel about them right NOW. Tomorrow is not promised to any of us.

Here is what my spirit told me to tell him:

“My Friend”
   (by Janette McGowen)

I need you here, My Friend…

I need to grow old with you…

I need to witness you walking your daughter down the aisle…

I need to see you holding your first grandchild…

I need to see you accomplish your Heart’s Desire…

I need to be able to see your dimples and your shy smile…

I need to hear your firm reprimand and stern encouragement…

I need to giggle at your impatience and my ability to annoy you to no end…

I need you to roll your eyes with embarrassment at my extreme sentimentality…

I pray for you, more than I pray for myself…

Please don’t leave me now…

I need you, My Friend…

“Thrill of Victory - Agony of Defeat”

Many of us remember hearing this phrase during the Olympics:

“The Thrill of Victory…The Agony of Defeat…”

 I am becoming deeply concerned that we are becoming a nation teaching our children that “there are no losers.”

Guess What?  Yes, There Are!

 I saw a Facebook post of a parent boasting of their child’s “4^th Place Finish” in a competition.  Unfortunately, this world does not reward effort or intention. It only rewards WINNERS.

As parents and supporters, it is appropriate to encourage kids for their efforts. But, we must help them understand that, with more focus, practice & effort, they can eventually WIN.

If we continue to reward “less than excellence,” we are crippling others to be competitive in the “real world.” Allowing your children to believe that “everyone is a winner” is setting them up for devastation in life.

 When I was growing up, (I was born in 1964 – the end of the Baby Boomer era), I was a “tomboy” at heart. I was, and am still competitive.

I participated in softball and basketball, as well as competed in 4-H.

In every competition, there was that coveted “1^st Place Prize.”  There were WINNERS and LOSERS.

Even in the work place, I remember in my early career in Sales winning “Top Sales Person of the Month.” I was awarded a nice bonus and got to park in a reserved parking space for the month. Guess What? There were no bonuses or reserved parking spaces for 2^nd, 3^rd, or 4^th place.

I am intrigued when I watch the Kentucky Derby. The coveted horse may win “by a nose.” That fraction of a second is the difference between winning $1 million dollars & in the Winner’s Circle and not being heard of again.

I have watched the Golden Globe's, the VMAs, and the Emmy Awards.  In each category, although there were several nominees, they had (1) Winner. Afterward, the Press was not flocking after the nominees – only the Winners.

Case in Point:

This is evident in watching the 2014 Winter Olympics in Sochi, Russia.  The USA has struggled in the Medal count. Specifically, I watched the Snowboarding Competition. USA’s Shaun White, assured to be a Gold Medalist or at least a Medal contender – came in 4^th Place! And guess what?  HE LOST! No Gold-Silver or Bronze Medal. No standing up on the podium.

However, I was warmed by his genuine humility. He warmly congratulated the Gold Medal Winner. When interviewed, he simply stated, “I just didn’t have my best day today.”  We must teach our children to be humble in both victory and defeat.

“You don’t truly appreciate the THRILL OF VICTORY if you have not suffered the AGONY OF DEFEAT.”

I grew up proud that the United States of America was #1 in the world (for apparently everything.)  We were considered a “Super Power.”

That status seems to be eroding. While we, as Americans, have our noses up in the air arrogantly and with greed, other countries are quietly and deliberately “getting it done.”  Yes…their methods may seem extreme to us, but the results are without question.

I know personally, I am thankful for the “Agony of Defeat.” This has made me reassess; make corrections; and keep striving. This has helped me truly enjoy and savor in the “Thrill of Victory.”

There is no such thing as “everyone is a winner.” There is only (1).

I plan on it being me J…